A Sense of Belonging
by SilentPatronus
Summary: Jonny is late to the 20 week scan, what's going through his mind? What's Jac's reaction? What's both of their reaction's to the scan. Janny One-Shot


**This is very different from what I'd usually write. I decided to write it in Jonny's point of view. It takes place at the 20 week scan for the Janny baby.**

* * *

I slipped into the room, her eyes glaring at me; she's angry. No, she's furious. I'm late again. Only by a couple of minutes but it's not good enough for her. I feel her watching me, watching my every move as I go about my day-to-day business. She's studying me, not completely sure whether I'm fit enough to fulfil my duties. Doubt. That's it. She doubts me. Ever since _that _argument it's been different. It's not just now as I wander towards her but it's constant. Off duty, on duty; all the time.

She doesn't need to speak, her eyes say it all and she watches as I hang my head in shame. She mutters something under her breath but I'm at the other end of the room and there's no chance of me hearing and that, I assume, was the intention.

I feel guilty; guilt towards her, towards little Maconie, and towards myself. I'd let myself down, I'd let her down, I'd let it down. 'It' being significant in the fact that the gender is still unknown and that's the way she wants it to be despite my protests. It appears I can't even turn up on time to crucial stages in the development of my child, my little Maconie. I wouldn't put it past her to withhold vital information from me.

I'm lucky this time as it seems that she's used delaying tactics to ensure that I was there and for that I am grateful. She wants me to rise to the challenge probably as much as I want to myself but it's hard. I'm not a natural father. I've always wanted children but I assumed that I'd be married by that point, that I'd be settled and ready. This was flung upon me from the mist; not that I'm not grateful. I will love this child more than anyone will ever know but I need to get this right and I haven't got off to a good start. Everything with her and I is simultaneous. Nothing's planned.

I stumble over scales as I walk towards where she sat. She smirked and to say I was slightly embarrassed would be a huge understatement. I love it when she smiles naturally, when it's not forced. I used to see that smile every day and now it's a minor miracle if I see it at all. It's as if there is a permanent scowl on her face, almost as if the wind changed and she got stuck. I lose track of my surroundings as memories of her creep into my mind without consent. It's painful; not the memories, but her. To see her live her life as if there was nothing between us, there is no recognition for the stolen moments we shared together. But there is; there's the baby. And that's why we're here, today, together.

My thoughts are disturbed by door opening and closing and I turn my gaze from Jac to the sonographer who had just entered the room signalling that now it was time. He insisted on going through the formalities despite Jac's resistence to this. She was persistent all the way through that it wasn't necessary. I watched at her bark at the poor sonographer who stood there watery-eyed. He needed to man-up. Perhaps it was because I was used to her constant nagging and mood swings but she didn't seem any different from normal. Granted, this particular individual was not immune to her bite.

She turned to me narrow eyed as she caught me smirking, observing her sarcastic remarks as she tore into the sonographer. She seemed relatively pleased with the fact that she'd made a grown man all but cry. I was tempted to ask him to drug her but that would have been inappropriate and would definitely landed me in trouble later on.

I edged closer to her watching as the cold Jelly was placed on her stomach. She winced I assume at the temperature; she wasn't expecting it to be as cold as it was.

A little while later, when the sonographer was satisfied with what he saw he turned the screen round to face her. I placed my hand in hers as we looked upon our baby. The features were clear, the little hands and feet, the wee button nose. Our baby was perfect.

I glanced towards her, the mother of my child. Tears fell down her face, unsure whether it was the shock of seeing our child for the first time, or whether the hormones had had the reverse effect from earlier or maybe a bit of both I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her in for her hug.

She looked towards me and smiled. Not one of those forced, fake ones that I was used to seeing in recent months but a genuine smile. In this moment I couldn't have felt happier, it was as if we were a family; except we weren't. My heart was plodding and my stomach tied itself in knots. This was where I belonged. Whilst we had both made mistakes there was no denying that seeing her there streaming with tears, yet smiling, that this was what I wanted. A family. My family.

The sonographer handed over a photo of the scan and exited the room giving us time to take it all in. She removed her hand from my grasp and gripped hold of the scan with both hands staring at it for a few moments. I placed my hand over hers and she turned her head to look at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but when could I ever? I just knew that if I didn't say something, or do something now I may not have the moment again.

I removed one of my hands from hers and used it to place her hair behind her ears to keep it out of her face. Looking at me, I could see she could read me like an open book. Almost instantaneously I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips before pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head.

She looked up at me puzzled as to what I'd done. Puzzled because she wasn't expecting it or puzzled because it didn't make sense to her, I'm not sure but she was most certainly confused but I silenced her with four words.

"I love you, Jac."

She nodded, understanding and gripped me tighter indicating that she never wanted me to let go. This was it, this time it was going to work. For me, for her and for our child. I've had enough of the arguing, the ignoring and the backstabbing. Tonight I will want answers. Answers to everything that has happened. I will demand to know everything there is to know about her and she will cave in; eventually. In return, I will share mine and together we will move forward, and I will crush the icy front of Jac Naylor to get to who she truly is. The good and the bad. There is no more time for childish games it's now clear to me that the situation is simple. I love her and she loves me, and as long as it stays that way then it can't go wrong.


End file.
